March 17th may not seem like the sexiest of holidays, but hey, we’re going to change that. Celebrated widely by the Irish, the adopted Irish and the Irish-at-heart around the world, St. Patrick’s Day is synonymous with good times, so why not treat it as a day full of romantic opportunity? Introducing yourself to new people on St. Pat’s is even easier than pronouncing ‘Sláinte!’
So let’s get started, begorrah. How do you go about Pat’s Day, get some of the luck of the Irish and enjoy the top of the morning after?
1. GET SHAMROCKED NOT SHAM-WRECKED
Look, we won’t pretend that drinking isn’t a large component of most St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, but that just makes it easier to get carried away. A little bit of liquid courage might help you work up the nerve to talk to someone new, but that can be a short hop, skip and jump away from puking up green beer (not a great look.) Alcohol also makes you less sensitive to stimulation, and negatively affects many people’s ability to maintain an erection, not to mention that when you or your partner are drunk you are unable to give consent (which should be enthusiastic and soberly given).
2. BEWARE OF SNAKES
We wish St. Patrick was around to drive all the creeps out of the bar. At every party there will be a person who is a little too insistent that you kiss them because they’re definitely Irish. As with any holiday that has a big emphasis on partying, it’s important to make sure your drink is never left unattended, and that you have a reliable and safe way to leave the party.
3.GETTING JIGGY WITH IT
Depending on what kind of party you end up at, the playlist might range from your average top 40 music to The Dropkick Murphys to live fiddle music. Whatever the vibe, St. Paddy’s is the absolute best time to let your inhibitions go and cut a rug. Not a great dancer? The big secret here is that 90% have no idea what they’re doing on the dance floor: it’s about letting loose and having a great time.
4. GO GREEN
We don’t need to remind you that correct condom use greatly lowers risk of STI transmission (correct use including ‘keeping it on for the entirety of penetrative sex, leaving room in the tip, and holding onto the base as it’s withdrawn’) but now you can also buy green condoms! No, we don’t mean the actual green-colored ones thrown at you during a St. Patrick’s Day parade. While condom production is relatively low-impact, there are a few newer brands that are vegan-friendly, do not contain any parabens or other artificial chemicals, and are produced at fair-trade and fair wage rubber plantations. If given the choice, why not be a bit more eco-friendly?
5. KISS A GINGER
The actual connection between gingers and St. Patrick’s Day may be tenuous, but something we aren’t one to deny the irresistibility of a fiery red-head. Just try not to lead with “Hey, your hair’s really red!” or a crack about not having a soul because, trust us, they’ve heard every line a million times. Chances are you’ll stand out more if you’re the one person who doesn’t tease. Oh, and please, PLEASE don’t make any remarks about carpets and drapes. You know who you are, just stop it.