The key to awesome sex is to maximise your partner’s levels of arousal. The more turned on she is, the more open and responsive she’ll become. In her book The Alchemy of Love and Lust, sex therapist Dr Theresa Crenshaw says that the chemicals and hormones released into a woman’s bloodstream during sex can cause her to become “emotionally stoned”. This chemical avalanche starts well before the foreplay stage, and way before you “get genital”. So even the removing-her-clothes stage affords you a brilliant opportunity to get proceedings very hot, very early on. How to do it Order her to stand still and not move as you carefully peel off her clothing piece by piece. Make each motion slow and deliberate as you gently remove her high heels and unbutton her shirt buttons one by one. As you undress her, lightly kiss or caress each part of her body as it’s revealed. Imagine you’re unwrapping a precious gift. Comment on how gorgeous her body is. Stand back as it’s slowly revealed to you. Admire her like a piece of art. Keep your own clothes on for an added touch of erotic control, or keep her standing there while you undress for her. Why this works This move builds a vital sexual component – anticipation. Anticipation leads to desire and lubrication. Another plus point is this move demonstrates your evident admiration of her. If she’s not used to it, she may feel a little uncomfortable, so your role is to make the undressing so lush that she feels exquisitely feminine and delectable and oh so ready to proceed.

In Women Who Love Sex, sex researcher Gina Ogden writes that 50 percent of women in her studies achieved orgasm from non-genital stimulation. But many more probably could, too, if they and their partners knew what to do. So, since nipples are such an erogenous zone for most women, and always a favourite with guys, let’s take a closer look. How to do it The key here is to keep the touch light. Start with just your breath: hot (“haaa”) or cool (“whoo”). Then use your fingers to trace around the areola and over the bud, touching the tip with soft little strokes. Take. Your. Time. You need to completely focus on the touch and feel. Gradually move on to stimulating her with light touches of the tongue. Create a contrast by taking her entire nipple in your mouth and experiment with swirling tongue movements around the bud. If you feel she’d respond to more intense stimulation, go for it, including playing with the border of pleasure and pain, but always with a sense of teasing. Why this works All the erogenous regions of the body have high concentrations of nerves that link to the genitals. Exploring non-genital arousal will allow you to develop your own moves to get her, and you, ever more turned on. It’s best not to stimulate the clitoris at the same time, as this can overwhelm the more subtle feelings of the nipple.