Guys, has your wife stopped looking at you like she loves you and more with that patented blend of boredom and revulsion that she uses when she scrubs the toilet?  Never fear, here are five no-fail phrases that will get your wife back in the mood for sex even on nights that her favorite reality show is on.  Just kidding, it would still wait till the next night.  Sorry.

1. “Talk to me.”

Sure you ask your wife to talk dirty to you, but do you ask her to talk not dirty to you?  You know, about her thoughts, feelings, dreams, hopes, even her day at work for that matter?  If you’re as into your wife’s skirmishes with her coworker as you are into her telling you she wants your body, then she, ironically, will want your body more.

2. “Tell me exactly what you like.”

You entreat your wife to tell you what she wants in bed, down to the smallest explicit detail, and then you actually try to do what she asks.  Imagine if you brought this persistence and motivation to please into, say, cleaning the kitchen?  If your wife wants you to use Windex and papertowels and concentric circles on the countertop, follow these directions to the letter and with a smile, as you would if she was telling you what she wanted in bed.  Your wife’s reaction will astound you, when she gets off the floor from passing out in shock.

3. “You make me so excited.”

You’ll tell your wife how hot you think she is, but what about your excitement about other aspects of your life together?  Are you excited to spend your life with her, raising a family, making a home, traveling, talking, cuddling, just watching TV and hanging out? Then tell her, with the same passion as you would tell her how hot she makes you.

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