The Ugly but Practical Bra
This bra is the lingerie equivalent to your grandmother. It typically comes in boring shades of black, white, or beige. No fun lace or sparkles or even a decorative bow at the plunge. But, the straps don’t dig in, the band is wide and secure, and, while it doesn’t enhance your cleavage, it holds everything in place with comfort (a rare delight for us ladies of the more busty set). You hate wearing it because, god forbid, some handsome stranger sees it, but you can’t help but love the fact that it doesn’t create any weird lines or bumps under your tight, silky blouse. You keep it to wear under your office clothes or anytime the occasion calls for modesty. Just don’t let your lover see it.
Shark Week Panties
Black cotton is your friend here. Or maybe those weird Hello Kitty undies that still somehow fit you from high school. Whatever they are, they’re going to the front lines and you and I both know we’ve lost a lot of good panties out there. There’s a good chance your Shark Week Panties won’t come back alive, so keep two or three in reserve.
The Zero Fucks Given Bra
This bra offers no support, no aesthetic value, and no lifting or enhancement. Not to be confused with the Ugly but Practical Bra, this piece of lingerie has simply given up. It’s like a ratty, XL tee shirt for your boobs. This bra should only be worn in the following situations: when you are so sick that you have begun to draw up a will, when you just want to be naked but respect for your roommate mandates some form of body covering, any weekend that will be spent solely on food delivery and Netflix, and post-breakup sob fests/ “Girls” marathons.
The Christian Grey
Maybe it’s a pair of crotchless panties or a fishnet body suit, the important thing is that it’s NAUGHTY! There’s something strangely empowering about owning something just for the sake of fantasy, even if you never test-drive it with anyone other than yourself.
The Matchy Matchy
This is, quite possibly, the most important item(s) that a woman can own. The Matchy Matchy is the bright lipstick of the lingerie world, perfectly transitioning from casual day to seductive night. The Matchy Matchy is any bra and panty ensemble that is specifically selected or designed to match. To experience the full effects of The Matchy Matchy, I recommend owning at least one set of each of the three subcategories of The Matchy Matchy: Cute, Romantic, and Sexy. For the Cute look, try out some bright colors and fun patterns, or maybe a soft tee shirt bra. The Romantic look indulges your love of the finer things, with sophisticated silks and delicate lace. Unlock your inner sex goddess with a Sexy ensemble in daring reds or go with sheer lace cups. It’s amazing the difference that a set of pretty lingerie will make in your day and how much more put together and powerful you will feel, knowing that underneath your clothes is a sexy little secret about what kind of woman you chose to be today. So hit up the next sale at Victoria’s Secret and stock up!